Old grudges die hard

Grudge which i prefer to call a chip on one's shoulder, is difficult for most people to let it go when they have disagreement with someone. In my case, I don't transfer umbrage and would rather move on. Of cause it depends with various factors, I forgive but I sure don't forget and there are somethings that have happened to me which cannot be said or undone and have left lasting deep scars that remind me of the hurt. In the past I’ve found it very challenging to forget and it is like a scar when someone badly hurts you. My mom taught me to always try to stop myself from saying heartless things in an argument because these things can't be unsaid. That hasn’t been the case with a female friend who has failed to shake off her grudge with former flame whom they separated three years ago. Cruel boyfriend dropped her despite repeated promises to marry her and eloped with her friend.My advice to her has been to drop grudges as soon as humanely possible as is probably the best decision she will make in her healing process.It is also the hardest as some memories are hard to wipe out.Biggest hurdle she faces is holding grudges and can hardly move on easily and forgive and forget. She is not the type of people who find it easy to move on, has rules, limits and as she explained, the girl doesn’t give any amount of chances to the former boyfriend.The sooner she can recognize that it’s best not to keep grudges although it’s so hard to let them go, even while I acknowledge the damage they have done to her, especially when i’m talking about her former relationship, the better.A friend who lives and works in Wagga Wagga once told me that keeping grudges is such an odd thing to do in today’s world. Even if the bloke to her lies, lets her down and did things she didn’t agree with, she shouldn’t find it hard to forgive him. It’s her justified right that the bloke was the one in the wrong, he is the one who did something unforgivable, so in her view, of course the natural decision is to hold a grudge against him.

 No one wants to be angry, resentful, and unhappy, surely for the lady she has continued to keep it and cherish her grudges with the former boyfriend so ardently for all those years. It seems obvious to say, but it’s an idea much harder to internalize since I have never had such an outcome with my grudges. In some instances, grudges can really end up being nasty but is easier to find the person who hurts doesn’t care as such. If she really want to let go of her grudges, she first have to understand why she cherish them in the first place.When she hold on to resentment, frustration and all the negative energy, she is letting it take control of her mind and body. Not only is she allowing that anger at her former boyfriend to rule her life, she is also letting it cause her health problems at the same time.When i asked her why she kept the grudges intact, it was clear her constantly holding on to negative thoughts, those thoughts are shaping her reality.Even though her former boyfriend did the horrible deed that is making her hold a grudges, the negative thoughts in her head are affecting her.She shouldn’t let former flame bad decisions ruin her life.Three years’ worth of anger, frustration all because she can’t let go of a grudge she is holding against one person in her life is disastrous. For me if you repeatedly offend me I cut ties and most part I work to move on and give people the benefit of the doubt probably because I have perfected tolerance in real life. As my mom taught me, learning to control grudge-holding tendencies helps to have a life that run far more smoothly than when grudging.Although letting go of a grudge seems to be hard for her to accept, she can’t change the past. Also, she can’t go back and manipulate things to the way she wanted them to happen between her and former boyfriend.The good thing is that she can change her future by letting the grudges go and she will have a beautiful life.Holding onto anger for any reason does more damage but as Confucius once said, to be wronged is nothing, unless you continue to remember it.

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